Day 24/25

It's now been about 3 and a half weeks and the stitches are GONE!

So much improvement! The stitches are no longer visible, I think they're nearly all gone. My labia are still a bit tender but I am able to go about my day normally now and hardly think about the (very minor) pain. Going to work, using public transport, walking, shopping, sitting for long periods and sleeping are easy now. Now that life's back to normal, it seemed time to resume my relationship! Though the hospital advised 3-6 weeks and it would probably be better to play it safe, I feel I've gone for long enough without sex.

How did it go? A little bit painful but not enough to worry me that anything was going wrong. It didn't hurt at all afterwards.  Success!

It's probably a bit early to tell yet if there's any difference in sensation to before... the doctor warned me before going through with the operation that I might lose sensation in my labia(!?) but I think this is only in rare cases. As for the reduced size, the whole thing was (or will be when the pain's completely subsided) a lot more comfortable. Yes!!!

17 & 18

My period pains have almost stopped now and the bleeding has become much lighter as well. I'm feeling a lot happier in general. I went back to work today and was told I look/seem a lot better! I've continued using tampons, and haven't had any problems with them. It's actually more comfortable to wear (plain, cotton) underwear with them, otherwise the string annoys me. This is funny, but I actually used to tuck the string in  on one side, between my outer and inner labia. Now my inner labia are too small to hold it in place! I'm not complaining.

My friend left today so I have more space and time to myself. I checked with a mirror to see how everything's looking, and I can see some of the stitches coming to the surface. My skin seems to be pushing them out, now the wound has healed together. They're easy to see as they're white. I used a cotton bud to clean them with hot water as I'm concerned the baths I'm having aren't doing a great job; the water is always so soapy, even though I'm not really supposed to get soap in this area as it might irritate. Anyway when I was poking around with the cotton bud, I discovered that not only did the stitches not hurt when I dabbed them, but some broke away completely, and when I picked them up they disintegrated in my fingers! That was strange.

I'm going to carry on cleaning my labia (and getting rid of loose stitches) every night, as they seem to be appearing gradually. I want them all out really! The bobbly appearance of the edges of my labia is because of the stitches, and I'm hoping when they're gone, it will all smooth out and look less jagged. I mentioned about a week ago that the edges look like teeth (!) but now the swelling's gone, so the edge of each labia tapers down in a more natural way, rather that ending bluntly.

I can now sleep and walk fine. I just took a shower for the first time since the op (the nurses said take 2 baths a day - but they didn't say for HOW LONG!) and that seemed to be fine. I didn't have the water too hot, or aim it directly at my vagina, just to be safe.

Day 15 & 16

15
Today I had to get up very early for work (before 6am) to have my bath, get ready and get there for 7.
This was not too bad, though I stayed up fairly late. Sleeping is more comfortable now, despite sharing my bed at the moment with my friend who's here for the weekend. I can sleep in my usual position now, which is great. I'm fussy about pyjamas though, those which are too tight or have a seam which irritates the area are no good, obviously.

Work was not too bad for the first couple of hours, then I started to feel awful. Really weak, which I thought was just the early start, and itchy (which I assumed was my stitches). I went to the toilet and realised I had just come on my period, quite heavily. I took some painkillers - I have stopped taking them over the last few days, but now I really needed them. I had a couple of towels in my bag, as I've been carrying them around in case my stitches bleed. I put one on. After a few minutes it was unbearably itchy and annoying. I changed it after an hour or so for a clean one but it was the same.

In my lunch break (which I had to take early) I went and bought a new packet of thinner pads, with wings. I don't usually use them, I prefer tampons, but the doctors had advised not to use them for 2-6 weeks...it has only been 2 so I decided to play it safe. I felt disgusting and was in a lot of pain for the rest of the day - I concluded that after doing even less exercise than usual this month, my period pains were much worse than usual. I always find that the more exercise I do before my period, the less pain I have when it comes. But there's no way I could have moved around any more between the operation and now! So I'm hoping the pain won't last too long. I'm taking a lot of ibuprofen.

I had a bath when I got home and I felt much better after washing the blood away, and was able to confirm that all the bleeding was menstrual and not from my stitches. I had a nap for an hour and felt much better again. I put in a tampon (applicator, like I usually use) to see how it felt - it was fine. I thought the string might aggravate the stitches but I couldn't feel it! I felt much cleaner and much better.

Which was lucky really, as it was my flatmate's birthday and we had planned a party at the house. I felt alright after my nap so I helped her organise and clean the living room and while people were arriving and we started drinking, everything felt fine. It was lovely to see my friends after feeling so isolated, especially in a relaxed setting. About an hour later I went to the bathroom and freaked out slightly. My underwear was full of blood which was smeared all over my legs, even though I was wearing a tampon. I tried to wipe it all up and check if it was coming from the stitches. Thankfully, it wasn't. I must just be having an unusually heavy period. I should probably stop being so quick to panic about blood and pain, but it's better to be safe than sorry!

Anyway, I gently pulled out my tampon and put in a bigger one. It's worth mentioning, my labia itch considerably when I first insert the tampon, which seems like a warning sign, but everything's fine after a minute or so. The rest of the night was ok, I was able to relax and enjoy myself. Everyone else went out at around 12 but I decided to stay in and get some rest. It's been a long day!


16
This morning I overslept, having been unable to sleep because I was in a lot of pain with cramps. I called in sick to work as I was already very late, and felt awful. Spent most of the day in bed, trying to do work, but could not really concentrate. My friend who's staying at the moment was out most of the day, but he tried to persuade me to go out with him. I declined, I'm too tired. I don't feel like doing anything.

Day 13 & 14

13
Today I went to work all day, then went for drinks with friends and ended up going out!
This sounds like a dramatic improvement...and honestly, I think it is. Going out should have been awful, as I was on my feet for so long (in heels admittedly) and had such a late night. But it turns out alcohol is an excellent painkiller, and I've cheered up a lot now from seeing friends after being stuck inside getting bored, with only my flatmates and a few visitors to keep me company.
Since the bleeding last night, nothing like that has happened, although I've been very careful with things like sitting down etc. I've been checking for bleeding constantly, in a completely paranoid way. But nothing's gone wrong!

14
My friend has come to stay for the weekend, which could be an issue as I have less personal space and it's an extra person sharing the bathroom (I'm still taking ages having baths twice a day) but it should be fine, as I'm feeling a lot better.

I went to an art exhibition today with friends; using public transport is becoming easier and less stressful. However, after doing nothing for almost two weeks, I'm finding walking hurts my knees, and I feel exhausted constantly from doing normal tasks. I still feel a lot of itching occasionally, but I'm able to wear underwear now. I'm still wearing hold-ups rather than tights, to get as much air to the area as possible.

The stitches are still visible but the swelling/bruising has all gone completely down now. Everything looks like it did before, except the inner labia are obviously shorter and in line with the outer ones. The skin all looks healthy and there is no sign of scarring really. My period's due though, dreading that!

Day 12

This is a bit of a half-way marker for me...between the operation and the day I'm planning to have sex for the first time since. It's looking doubtful at the moment. More about that later.

Generally, everything's healing nicely. I've been checking in the mirror every day, and have definitely noticed it looks better. Actually, from further away you can kind of tell how the end result will look; the inner labia aren't even visible, they're tucked inside the outer ones. Success!

Although there's still that lump/LL at the top, which just looked like they missed a bit!? It sticks out still. And pokes out when I'm standing. You can even see the bump through my underwear!? The stitches around it look slightly different to the rest as well - they're kind of scabbed over. Urgh. I'll wait til it's all healed and point it out in 8/9 weeks at my review with the surgeon. If it's even still bothering me by then; to be honest it still looks better than before.

I'm still having 2 baths (and now adding salt to them) but I didn't take any painkillers today, to see what would happen. Mostly it was ok, I had more itching than pain. And this was only occasionally, like most of the day I was alright. It came on in waves. But when it did...it was unbearable. It happened to occur when I was out in public. In the supermarket. I had to just grimace all the way home. I actually wanted to cry.

And a couple of times today I underestimated the pain and sat down too hard, which killed. I need to remember the area's still delicate, and not push myself. The stitches are all still intact/visible. I forgot to mention, but last night, just after I posted my blog entry, I noticed a bit of blood in my pyjamas. But only a tiny bit, along the middle seam. So I must have caught the edge just a tiny bit.

However, tonight just before I got in the bath, the stitches on one side burst open slightly. I didn't notice as I was just sitting/wandering around normally and couldn't feel much pain. But I felt something dripping down my leg and thought I'd check it out. I had blood running down both legs and dripping on to the floor. I panicked and sat down, initially trying to apply pressure to the whole area as I couldn't tell which part was bleeding; there was blood everywhere. But it really hurt to hold tissue on there. I managed to trace it down to the 3 or 4 stitches holding together the bottom half of one side. They were the ones bleeding last night. They weren't gaping open or anything, I must have just knocked them.

The blood stopped flowing so much so I decided to get into the bath and just relax for a while - I was pretty shaken up at the sight of all this blood. When I got out of the bath, I assumed it would have stopped. But it was still dripping onto the floor. So I dabbed it more with tissue until it had almost stopped. Applying the thrush cream was a challenge, as I did NOT want to get it anywhere near the stitches, but I definitely still need to keep using it if today's itching attack is going to keep happening.

So anyway now it's stopped bleeding and I'm wearing the thickest pad I could find, as I'm afraid more bleeding will happen in the night. But it's worth mentioning, wearing sanitary towels, or even just underwear, makes the itching a lot worse. I'm thinking of opting for a maxi dress tomorrow, and no underwear. It's going to be quite a demanding day as I'm going to work then meeting friends and probably going out as well. We'll see how that goes...so far simple tasks like travelling to work or going grocery shopping have been really difficult. After over a week of isolation and hardly walking, it hurts to walk, and I find everything quite exhausting/overwhelming.

Day 11

My sleep cycle's a bit messed up so I didn't sleep that well, but it was much more comfortable. I can sleep in my normal position now! (On my side).
Also, there's no bleeding! And everything's a normal colour and size.
Thankfully the itching has got a bit better; I'm obviously going to keep using my Canesten cream though, until it's completely cleared up.

Today I went back to work, armed with the new doctors note I got yesterday at the GP. I had already sent them the first one, which only gave me 5 days!? A bit ambitious perhaps.

So too, was the claim that my stitches would dissolve in 7-10 days. It's day 11 and they're not budging, so I assume they meant the stitches START to dissolve in 7-10 days. That makes more sense.

My labia are now less sensitive so I can touch them gently without causing much pain. This is not necessarily good though, as I need to touch the area as little as possible to avoid infection. But it makes sleeping and sitting much easier, which is such a relief. Walking for long periods is still difficult though as the two rows of stitches rub together and this is uncomfortable. It makes me walk a bit funny, and much slower than usual, so I would say if you're thinking of going back to work - leave it at least a week. Then give yourself extra time to get there (it took me about half an hour longer than usual - I have to walk between stops/ use escalators etc)

I'm still taking painkillers (1 paracetemol and 1 ibuprofen 3 or 4 times a day) and bathing 2 times a day. I will keep up this bathing routine for at least a month if possible, but I honestly hate it - I usually prefer to shower. I don't feel as clean after a bath. And it takes ages! Drying the area is becoming easier though.

Just to re-cap, the nurses on the day of my operation said don't have sex or use tampons for 2-6 weeks after the op. It's been nearly 2 weeks and I have no desire to do either - my labia might be healing nicely but to touch them feels horrible and scratchy. My period's not due for another week or so, so we'll see how that goes.

Day 10

Finally I feel a bit better. This morning I was hardly bleeding at all, I got up earlier than I have been all week and went to see my GP.
I told her I was worried my stitches weren't healing properly or fast enough, and that they might get infected.
She said the wounds look like they're healing nicely and to carry on with what I'm doing (she obviously didn't notice the damage I caused with my little stitch-removing fiasco). She also gave me advice like putting salt in the bath and only wearing cotton underwear and skirts/dresses for a while. I'd be doing that anyway to be honest.
Ok, so panic over.
For about an hour...then the itching started. I've been itchy for a while as you can imagine with stitches in such a sensitive area. But soon after I arrived home from the doctors, it suddenly became unbearable. I started to suspect it wasn't even the stitches; it felt like thrush. Now I've only had it once, but it was horrific.  It started around my perineum and spread upwards, affecting my vagina and eventually my clitoris which became unbearably sensitive and painful. I had red sores which felt like open wounds and it was so painful to urinate that was actually afraid to drink. This went on for over a week before I saw a doctor (I had never had it before so didn't actually know what I had). 
So you can imagine my fear/disgust when I felt earlier that I might have it again, particularly so close to my delicate stitches! I went straight to the shop and bought a duo treatment - one pill and a cream which you apply 2/3 times a day. This cost £12.30 by the way!!
But it was so worth it - I took the pill and applied the cream and within about half an hour it felt ok. So definitely I have thrush, but at least its treatable. The cream keeps wearing off and there's not a lot I can do about the itching then, but I've found ice helps when nothing else will. I've not been wearing where possible but I'm trying to get on with life a bit more so this is becoming more difficult. Also the cream and the stitches are not friends. If I get any on the stitches it really stings!
Other than the itching, everything seems ok. I can sit down much more easily and comfortably. I'm just really conscious of keeping the thrush to a minimum (as if I need MORE problems in this area) and keeping everything clean. I'll let you know how that goes.

Do keep commenting/asking questions, it's great to know people are actually reading along.
Though I must say it's actually therapeutic to offload like this.
But yeah, ask me anything.

Day 9

Today I'm feeling worse than ever, especially as I expected to be feeling fine by now. Or at least able to walk.
I can confirm that messing with my stitches was a BAD IDEA. I thought I'd left most of them in, just trimmed the sticking out ends. Apparently not. After a sleepless night I woke up bloodstained and sore. Both sides had bled near the bottom and (urgh) the blood had crusted both sides together. Going to the toilet was very painful. Having a bath was very painful. Life is currently painful!
Dissolvable stitches are meant to dissolve on their own, I knew this, I trimmed them anyway. I'm an idiot!

If I hadn't had such patience/ good light/ a steady hand, I dread to think how much worse I could have made it still. From now on, no sharp objects are going near the area. Even if it drives me crazy with itching!

I honestly thought the wounds had healed enough to have the stitches out completely. I was so wrong.
Forgive me for thinking that though...the hospital gave me FIVE DAYS off work and so I expected to be better after 5 days. It's day 9 - they lied.

Aside from constantly having to prise my bloody labia apart, other exciting developments include discharge and (still) itching. My knees hurt from lack of walking and from sitting in odd positions. My back hurts from lack of sleep/sleeping funny.
Ouch.
I'm losing my patience. Perhaps you would too, if your labia looked like sad, wrinkled toothless (and now BLEEDING) gums.

Day 8 (continued)

OK, briefly, here's a more sensible and coherent re-cap of yesterday.

Basically, I didn't sleep well at all on Day 7, just couldn't get comfortable.

A lot of the swelling has gone down, like above my clitoris, where the hood was very swollen. Now it's normal size and the discolouration has also improved, it's almost back to normal, just looks like a faint birthmark.

The biggest problem is itching. And lack of sleep. And boredom/loneliness - I can't walk really. I'm stuck inside with not a lot to do.

Day 8

The stitches itch so much! The stinging/sharp pain is still there when I walk or sit or do anything really, but the itching is worse.

Someone once told me that when a wound itches it means it's healing. I don't know if this is true - I feel more like it's my body telling me it wants the stitches OUT so it can heal. Baths don't help - they itch (I'm still on 2 a day) and painkillers don't help itching, obviously.

So anyway I did a very stupid thing and started cutting out my stitches in a kind of spontaneous D-I-Y operation of idiocy. Don't ask. I don't think I can even write about it right now. Basically I spent almost an hour with a mirror and some very professional surgical tools (well not exactly - I used cotton buds and nail scissors, both soaked in boiling water beforehand) also I tried to numb the area first. With a coke can from the fridge.

DO NOT attempt this. Seriously, what was I thinking!? Anyone who's been reading this blog assuming I'm a sensible/reliable information source is most definitely going to think I'm crazy and stop reading. If I don't get an infection of some kind it's going to be a miracle. While most of the stitches are still intact and I only trimmed the sticking-out parts, there's some bits which seem to have NO stitches now... just a gaping wound. Well that's an exaggeration. There's only one bit like this, and it's not even bleeding, just kind of...open. Gross. I'm going to stop now.

More accurate description of what actually went down as well as a report of how it looks after a night of (I hope) intense healing, to follow. If I can sleep that is...I couldn't get comfortable last night. I'm still on 2 paracetemol and 1 ibuprofen, 4 times a day. The End.

How I arranged my operation (and how I got it on the NHS)

For readers outside of the UK, the NHS (or National Health Service) covered my operation; I didn't have to pay for it.

For those IN the UK wondering how I managed this (and I'm not saying you'll have the same success, or should even risk it) here's how:

1) I contemplated/worried about going to the doctors - for about 3 years
2) I went to doctors to see my normal GP.

• I explained the problem to her in a straightforward way - I said my labia are uncomfortable during sex and doing normal stuff like wearing tight clothes, and sometimes even walking or sleeping. 
• I also expressed  insecurity about the appearance of my labia, to the point that I avoided relationships and sex.
• My GP had a look, briefly. 
• She said I MIGHT be eligible for surgery and she'd refer me to a gynaecologist. 
• She also noticed I had a history of minor mental health issues (in my early teens) and would need me to see a psychotherapist, to check these insecurities weren't part of something bigger/more serious.

3) I got a letter giving me an appointment with my local mental health service (also NHS)

• I went along to see the therapist, she asked me some questions ranging from obvious ones (like do you ever feel depressed) to the more obscure 'do you ever hear voices'.
• I answered everything honestly. She was really nice and easy to talk to.
• I think she could kind of tell that I'm completely fine and the GP was just taking precautions; I don't suffer from depression or body dismorphia etc.
• She must have sent a favourable report back to the GP because...

4) I got a letter telling me I had an appointment with the gynaecologist at my local hospital.

• at this appointment I met a very experienced gynaecologist/obstetrician who talked to me briefly about my problem.
• she got me up on the bed and I undressed (behind a curtain...there were 2 other people in the room, possibly training) then she came in and examined me in more detail than my GP had
• I sat back down and we discussed the risks of surgery briefly, she basically told me on the spot I could have the surgery, and she wanted to do it herself.

5) I called my Dad and told him about where I'd been and what operation I would be having soon. This might sound weird, but I've never lived with or had a close relationship with my mother. I tell my Dad everything so it makes sense he's the first I told, particularly as he'd be the one picking me up from the hospital. He gave me his support and at no point tried to talk me out of it.

6) Hospital appointment number 2

• I saw a nurse at the day centre, where I would be having my operation.
• She briefed me on the anaesthetic and instructions on how to prepare for surgery
• She gave me an A4 handout detailing what/how much I could eat the day before, and what I should bring - dressing gown, slippers, a book to read. (No food after 12pm, no water after 6am that day)
• The nurse also gave me information to read about anaesthesia and DVT. And a sample pot for urine, to fill and bring the morning of the operation.

7) The operation!! (To add a time scale, this was about a month after my original doctor's appointment, maybe a bit more)

• See Day 1 for details

So, as you can see, I didn't have to wait long or pay for my operation or aftercare. I also didn't get to choose my surgeon or have any say in how the end result would look, so it was a bit of a gamble.

Day 7

So it's nearly been a week (it will be tomorrow morning)

My progress has been slower than expected...though I had no idea what to expect, other than reading message boards and articles...mostly about NIGHTMARE SURGERY.

I wouldn't call mine a nightmare but it certainly hasn't been a walk in the park; I'm hoping the worst is over though.

The pain has improved, or had until just now. I finished my co-codamol after about 5 days and moved on to paracetemol, then cut down from 2 tablets to one, still with one ibuprofen (for the swelling) and still 4 times a day. However, the stitches have started to dissolve and unravel. Which is good on one hand as I don't want anything foreign in my body...particularly as I suspect they're catgut and this freaks me out. On the other hand though...I'm scared they're dissolving too soon. Do I take fewer baths to avoid this happening? Or more, to keep it clean. Argh!

The wound itself looks healthier. The skin is now all pink, the black bits I mentioned yesterday have all gone! When I say pink I mean it's brand new and very delicate tissue and still bleeding round the edges a little. The worst part at the moment is the bits of stitches sticking out everywhere. They aren't sharp but they do itch, and look disgusting. Particularly as I think the wound hasn't properly healed together...it looks like it might gape open if the stitches disintegrate any more. I'm scared about this.

Bascially my inner labia are now tucked in nicely to my outer labia, which was the whole point. They haven't been drastically reduced, just enough for them to be level with the outer lips. Even better, they both appear to be symmetrical (I was warned they might not) apart from a little lump (LL) left at the top on one side. If this doesn't change, I can live with it.

But anyway, I mentioned the sewed up edges looking like teeth, which is unpleasant (and Freudian!) to say the least. What I meant was they're quite square. The labia, rather than tapering down to narrower skin at the bottom edge, end in this blunt way. This might fuse together and go down over time (I hope!) to give a more natural finish. I'd be a bit upset if they looked and felt wide and bumpy forever!

Lucikly my clitoris has been fine the whole time, but got hidden under the hood which swelled a lot after a couple of days and has only just started to go down. The swelling didn't really hurt though. But it still looks bruised down the middle, like a blood blister (under the skin).

I can't wait to be able to walk, sit and stand with my legs together, wear normal underwear (and normal clothes), shower, exercise, and have sex again. In roughly this order, I imagine.
Wish I could fast forward to this point and skip out the difficult parts!

Some advice from the Bupa site

Here's some generic (and fairly obvious) info from the Bupa website about caring for stitches/wounds:


Here's what they say about:
STITCHES
"During this time you may see small pieces of the stitch material poking out of the healing scar. Don't be tempted to pull on these. If there are loose ends which are catching on clothing, trim the stitch carefully with a clean pair of scissors. Otherwise wait until they are removed or fall out on their own. If the stitches cause you pain or discomfort, contact your doctor or hospital for advice." 
SHUDDER. I hope they mean NON-disolvable stitches... I can't cope with bits sticking out everywhere and I'm not going ANYWHERE near them with scissors.


EATING HEALTHILY
"Your body needs energy to heal quickly so it's important that you eat well. Your body will use a lot of energy, vitamins and protein when healing so make sure that you eat a balanced diet. You should also make sure that you drink plenty of water. If you're dehydrated, your wound may take longer to heal."
This is common sense...but I need to follow it. All I've felt like doing is moping around and eating junk food/comfort food/whatever's easy. This has no doubt been effecting my recovering in a negative way, not to mention my mood. From now on I'm eating plenty of fruit, vegetables and protein... and drinking plenty of water. And green tea. 


BATHING
"Don't use any soap, shower gel, body lotion, talcum powder or other bathing products directly over your healing wound."
I haven't been! That would sting so much. But I'm worried water is not enough to keep it clean! 


INFECTION
"Your doctors and nurses will do everything that they can to prevent your wound from becoming infected, but it's important that you know how to tell if you're developing an infection after you go home. If your wound becomes infected, it may:

• become more painful
• look red, inflamed or swollen
• leak or weep liquid, pus or blood
• smell unpleasant"

Well according to this I'm guessing (hoping) it's NOT infected, though it is painful, and there's a faint smell... Perhaps that's why I've been told to have 2 baths a day. But for how LONG I wonder!?

Day 6

Can't quite believe it's Day 6...I expected to be at least walking properly by today. The sick note (for work) given to me by the hospital says '5 days'. I'm unable to walk far enough to use public transport, stand up for more than an hour or concentrate on anything for less than that. Work isn't really an option!

I'm sleeping fine, but still on my back. I can rest for short periods on my side, with 1 or 2 pillows wedged between my knees to keep my legs apart. The edges of the wound hurt more than ever. I'm desperate to clean it more thoroughly in the bath, but it hurts too much touch even gently, and I'm worried about not rinsing soap out properly and causing irritation. After the bath I tried to use a baby wipe to clean the inner labia, but it stung!

I'm getting increasingly lonely and depressed, but most of all frustrated about not being able to DO anything productive. I want to get on with my life!

Now time for a(very appealing) visual update; I'm sure you can't wait. Ok, without a mirror I can see the clitoral hood still has a weird bruise down the middle/on one side, it's more red/purple than blue/black now and perhaps a little less swollen. As for the stitches (yes, I braved the mirror again) they're still intact. I'm worried they'll start dissolving soon...I have no idea if this will happen all over or if they will break in some places. I can't even imagine, I've never HAD stitches before. Anyway the skin appears to be healing more than last time I looked (3 days ago?) when the wounds were still bloody at the edges so I could see red zig zags between the stitches. What I have now looks very odd, the only was I can think of to describe it is imagine your back teeth (molars?) were flesh coloured. Along the visible edges of my labia I have what look like bumpy pink teeth. I hope this bumpy edge will turn smooth when the stitches disappear! I'm sure it will.

My main concern is that in maybe 4 places up and down the stitches there are black patches which look sore in comparison to the rest which is nice new pink skin. I'm hoping these are the last bits of crusty blood, the spots that are last to heal. But I'm more worried these bits are infected. I think in the bath tomorrow I'll hold a mirror and dab these bits with a clean damp flannel to make sure they're really clean.  I'm wincing already. So scared of infection! Thanks to a helpful contributor, I know infection is common (but can be treated by antibiotics). The same lady also seems to have noticed a similar LL, though I don't know the details of hers. Mine is still present, and basically looks the same as it did on day 1, because the skin in healthy/normal! I'm just going to ignore it for now. I don't know if it's worth noting that 2 of the sore looking black patches are directly below the clitoris, right where the stitches start.

In other news, the bleeding seems to have stopped almost completely. Now that I'm on normal off-the-shelf Paracetemol (with Ibuprofen), the constipation no longer seems to be a problem. I need to eat more fruit though, I'm worried all the junk food I'm eating is restricting my recovery.

Day 5 (evening)

Today I pushed myself a bit too hard - I must have only walked about a mile in total (to and from bus stops) but it took SO LONG and hurt so much. I had to take really small steps and walk with my legs far apart as the swelling makes it impossible to to sit, stand or walk with my legs together.
Sitting on the bus and the sofa was pretty bad too; at the moment lying down on my back is the only comfortable position.
I've had 3 baths today, I don't know if this made any difference. The wounds are very sore to touch, I have tried to touch them though! On a normal wound I'd use Sudocrem and perhaps baby wipes, but I'm cautious to do this, I'm not sure what to do!?
The bruising/ swelling at the top is still there and its still black/purple.

Day 5 (morning)

This morning I woke up feeling fine. I had to sleep lying on my back again, I'm not sure how long it will be until I can go back to sleeping on my side. Yesterday I managed to leave the house for a little while to go and have coffee, which was ok. Walking and getting in and out of the car was more effort than expected (I didn't drive, I got picked up). I had wanted to go to the theatre but travelling all the way there on the train and being confined to my seat was too much.

Today I am determined to go back home (I've been at my Dad's house being looked after) and get on with some work and see some friends. I'm feeling a lot braver, today was the first time I was able to look in the mirror at my stitches. It wasn't that bad. It looks as you'd imagine: outer and inner lips both swollen to about twice their usual size. Clitorial hood black/blue and swollen to 2/3 times its usual size, hiding the clitoris almost completely. The edges of the inner labia look as though they've been split vertically down the middle and sewed back up (which they have...) On each side, the stitches run from just under my clitoris to the bottom of the labia, level with my vagina. I can't actually see the stitches, they're clear. I can see the blood on the edge of the wound though so I know they're there because it zig zags. The stitches feel less tight today, but still itchy. I might try having more than two baths today. But they're most itchy after I go to the toilet or bath, so basically when they get wet. Dilemma!

I've nearly run out of co-codamol but still have lots of ibuprofen, so I'm going to move onto paracetemol and ibuprofen in similar doses. For now I'm wearing dresses indoors, with no underwear, but when I go outside I'll wear underwear with my dress. Or tracksuit bottoms. Oh dear.

I also forgot to say... the past 2 evenings I've had constipation, which must be from the painkillers as I have a really balanced diet/good metabolism and have never had it before! I didn't want to strain too much because of the stitches. I've read some horror stories online of the stitches BREAKING which made me squirm. So I've stopped googling labiaplasty... and started eating lots of grapes.

Day 4 (evening)

So today was pretty bad, the bruising I thought I'd managed to avoid has begun to appear. Black, blue. purple and swollen. Ouch.
I can't actually see/haven't dared to look at the state of my labia but from above I can see the hood of my clitoris is black on one side (the same size as the LL) and the whole thin's swollen so my clitoris is almost covered. It doesn't hurt that much though. The labia hurt unbearably. They've swollen so the stitches are really tight and sore. Bleeding has resumed. Pain has worsened.

I've bought some thick, padded 'night time' sanitary pads to wear instead of regular ones. I'm trying to decide whether it's more painful with these or with no underwear/pad. Even the slightest touch from my clothes is excruciating. Walking is really bad because I have to try not to let my labia rub together, which is basically impossible as they're so swollen. Sitting down is bad too. Going to the toilet is a nightmare, I've bought softer toilet paper but haven't noticed much difference. I'm worried about running out of painkillers!

Day 4 (morning)

I couldn't sleep last night...

I usually sleep on my side and this was impossible as whatever position I tried, my labia rubbed together. I ended up lying on my back, still uncomfortable.

The one good thing is that when I woke up there had been less bleeding than the last 2 nights. However, the stitches hurt more than ever... they feel too tight. I think the labia must have swollen. Now I can feel them all the time and they're itchy/prickly especially when I try to walk. When I do walk, I look ridicuous, I sort of have to waddle along with my legs wide apart at the top. Not good! I was supposed to return to work today. Fuming.

Day 3

I don't know if it's because the anaesthetic has completely worn off, or the stitches are irritating my skin, but today the pain was far worse. It wasn't too bad when I woke up but throughout the day it got really bad. I took my painkillers and baths as suggested but I can't help worrying about the stitches getting infected, perhaps I should be washing after every time I use the toilet?

Anyway I spent most of the day in bed. Walking's difficult, which I'm angry about as I planned to return to work tomorrow (Monday). Even having a bath seems too much effort, particularly as the stitches are noticeably more painful and itchy while they're drying.

I'm going to have a early night and hope I can sleep. I'm wearing pyjama bottoms but no underwear/sanitary towel as this was too sore; the area's become very sensitive. Oh well, at least I haven't lost sensitivity in my labia... I've heard this can happen! They're quite swollen at the moment, at the LL I mentioned initially is still there in all it's glory. So from the front it looks like my labia still hang down below my outer lips...at least on one side. But it's only this small bit at the front. Better than nothing?

Now it's been a few days, I can see say that 2-6 weeks seems a bit ambitious for having sex... unless things start to heal drastically. This is obviously (I hope) the worst bit, but I can't imagine being back to normal in a month. Which is extremely depressing as I'm already getting sexually frustrated. I'm in the early stages of an (luckily) long distance relationship, which is going really well. Or it was. I'm expecting a visit in 3 weeks... oh dear.

Day 2

Today there was much less bleeding and less pain.

I wasn't able to walk around properly or leave the house, but I happily sat and chilled out. My appetite was normal. I took my recommended dose of 2 co-codamol and 1 ibuprofen (4 times a day) which seemed to keep the pain bearable.

My two baths were ok, I am getting less squeamish about washing near to the stitches but I still can't touch them directly. The bits of blood floating around them are becoming less noticeable.

Today wasn't bad at all! Sitting down, standing up, bending down and spending a great deal of time on my feet are all still uncomfortable. Sleeping last night was fine, I didn't wake up in the night or wake up in lots of pain.

Any questions?

The Operation PART III

For the rest of the day I rested. I felt more sleepy than usual, less hungry than usual, still a bit spaced out, but generally fine.

The bleeding continued all day, but I only really noticed when going to the toilet, as I had to wipe the blood. I'm not sure if this made it bleed more or not. Just for the record I was able to urinate and, well, poo normally. This blog is getting increasingly glamorous.

I took painkillers at dinnertime and before bed. I think the anaesthetic may not have fully worn off as there is hardly any pain.
I took a bath this evening which was fine, I was expecting the hot water to sting as it's such a sensitive area, but as when peeing, it's actually ok. I used my normal soap but not on or near the stitches! In the bath I was able to examine the area a bit more. The top and outside area are fine, I can touch my pubic bone and clitoris as normal, and my inner thighs and outer labia. My vagina seems to be ok down there too, I reached behind my back to check -  I'm still too scared to touch or even really look at the stitches. I think there's not much to see - they're dissolvable and therefore transparent catgut. In the bath there were shreds of blood or maybe skin floating away from the stitches. Some were kind of wafting about but I didn't want to pull them incase I pulled the stitches. I'm not sure what they are actually. Gross.

I didn't stay in the bath long as the stitches started to feel irritated. I dried my body normally and sort of dabbed at my vagina gently to dry it. The towel was inevitably covered in blood - use an old one!
I decided to use a normal sanitary pad with wings over a thick one, to go to sleep. No idea if the bleeding will get worse or better in the night, I hope I can sleep though, and I hope I don't wake up in a lot of pain. I'm feeling quite sore now as the last ones have worn off. I'm not sure how it's 3.30am. Goodnight x

Any questions?

The Operation PART II

Inside the room, the anaesthetist I had met earlier measured my blood pressure a final time and his assistant tried to calm my nerves. They inserted the line into the back of my hand and I don't remember a lot after that. I think maybe they gave me a pre-med. It's all hazy.

When I regained consciousness it took a WHILE for me to recover my thoughts. I still don't remember if I was in that room or in the ward. I was babbling nonsense about this kid because I felt like him. Apparently I had been thrashing around, there were maybe 2 or 3 people surrounding me. I felt extremely drunk. Well if I'm honest, it was closer to being K'd.
The drunk feeling soon wore off and I was in the ward kind of just sitting in my bed lolling around a bit and smiling in a dopey way at the nurses. Everyone else seemed to be in a similar sleepy state. I couldn't really feel anything, I was expecting unbearable pain immediately. Actually I wasn't sure if they'd even DONE the op yet (after coming round I looked at my watch and it had only been maybe an hour). I was a brought some water and tea and biscuits and informed that everything had gone smoothly. Relief! Until I needed the toilet. The drip into my hand was unscrewed and a nurse walked with me to the toilet. I was still SO DIZZY. And waddling a bit because (obviously) my labia felt weird. I discovered this was mainly from the dressing they'd put there, rubbing against my stitches. The dressing consisted of some tissue and two wads of blue porous material, not attatched to anything, just hanging out there between my legs. I took this off to pee, obviously. I expected this to burn a bit (like once when I had horrific thrush - it felt like open sores which stung unbearably but unavoidably on contact with urine...to the point where I stopped drinking water so I wouldn't have to pee) but I hardly felt it. Amazing! So I looked down...

On first glance NOTHING was red or swollen or bruised.
I could only see my outer lips and they were normal, my precious clitoris was also untouched and normal. Thank. God. The rest I'd really need a mirror to look at and I don't really WANT to see it yet. I could see a few stitches and some blood. From a distance though, if all I could see were my outer labia then this was a SUCCESS already (my inner labia used to hang way down past them). I waddled back to my bed and realised the bleeding had gone through both dressings and all over the bed. I was still pretty zoned out from the painkillers/anaesthetic and this was no more blood than a heavy period so I wasn't scared. Everything was going so well!

A nurse said I could put my clothes back on, I did so VERY gingerly. I still had no idea what sort of state these stitches were in or what would aggravate them. So I was dressed and sitting on a chair listening to my ipod. It had been about 4 hours since I arrived. A nurse came and gave me packets of painkillers, and an appointment to see the doctor in 10 weeks. She said I have to bath twice a day and gave me a sick note for work, for 5 days. I could request more time if necessary. About 15 minutes later I was picked up and taken home. I could walk ok. I was happy to be home - I went straight to bed and had a cup of tea/ chilled for a bit. I wasn't really hungry (unusual for me).

I discovered I could comfortably sit or lie in almost any position, as long as I sat down carefully and didn't move too much or too suddenly. Walking was still a bit tricky.
I changed the blue dressing for a normal sanitary towel, which was weird as I don't usually use them. I found when changing them they would get stuck to the blood a bit so I have to take them off carefully. A part of me wanted to get a mirror and check out the damage but I felt far too sqeamish - I'll wait til it's healed more. Plus I've already noticed a strange lump on one side, at the top next to my clitoris. A tiny chunk is still hanging out of the outer labia like the whole labia were before. Kind of like a second clit. Gross.
This is obviously what the doctor meant when she mentioned lack of symmetry. But why they've left this  bit is a mystery! Actually that doctor kept asking me if I still wanted to go through with it. So far, I don't regret it though. Anyway, I like to think it's too early to tell what's going on with this Little Lump, or LL as I'm going to lovingly name it. Oh dear.

PART III


(ask questions, don't be shy, I hardly have been)

The Operation PART I

Before you ask, details of the pre-assessments, doctors appointments and my reasons behind getting a labiaplasty are coming later. Feel free to ask me anything in the meantime.

Ok

I've been nervous all week about my operation, having never been under anaesthetic before and from what little I know about the risks of labiaplasty (I've read some horror stories on message boards to the effect of excessive bleeding/ extreme asymmetry/ infection/ permanent loss of sensation... oh and the standard hospital leaflet on anaesthetic which terrified me. Risk of DEATH? No thanks.)

I woke at 7 to be driven to the hospital for 8am. As instructed (on the vaguely worded, crossed out and rewritten A4 sheet given to me at my 2nd -and final- pre-assesment) I had not eaten since before midnight or drunk water since before 6am. They didn't say why, but I guess it's so you don't vomit. 

So anyway I got to the day surgery (this is a quick operation) and waited a few minutes to be called onto the ward. They'd told me to bring a book to read, a dressing gown and slippers. A nurse brought me to the ward, 5 beds on either side of a long room, I was allocated one and sat down next to it. There was a fair amount of waiting around for a nurse to come and check my details (my name, date of birth, address, details of who was picking me up etc) The nurses were friendly, and if anything, over cautious... I was asked the same information by at least 3 different nurses... they just KEPT checking. 

I requested a sick note for work but didn't ask many other questions. In between nurses coming over, the anaesthetist came to talk to me, and I asked him a few questions about the needle they would use (a small  one into my hand) and the tube they would put in my mouth (I wouldn't feel it...it would only be there when I was unconscious). I told him I was nervous but I'm sure he could sense that.

I was instructed to change into my delightful blue hospital gown, which I'm sure looked stunning. The other patients seemed more nervous than me about taking off all their clothes, from what I overheard. Which I found weird because we changed behind curtains, it was an all female ward and the other ladies were much older and so I would assume more comfortable with their bodies!? Just something I picked up on; I'll make a point that will come up a lot: for someone so young I'm really happy with and confident in my body, it's just the labia that bother(ed) me. 

The only other person that came to speak to me was a doctor who seemed much more knowledgeable than (but nowhere near as caring as) the nurses. She got me to sign papers saying I knew why I was there(!?) and I knew the risks. She described these to me as lack of symmetry in the labia, pain during 'intercourse' and (ambiguously) 'scarring'. When I asked for more detail, she said few studies have been done and not a lot is known about the long term results. Great. 

The basic outcome is that I can't use tampons or have sex for 2-6 weeks. Is it just me or is 2 WEEKS and 6 WEEKS quite a difference!?

After talking to the nurses, anaesthetist and doctor all I had to do was sit and wait and read my book. I was really too sleepy to read after the early start and no food. I had also been given 4 co-codomol and 1 ibuprofen. 

2 women were taken to the operation theatre before me; I was 3rd. This meant I did not have a chance to see anyone return before my turn. I wondered if everyone was having the same or similar operations and if the same doctor was doing them all. Eventually the anaesthetist's assistant came to get me and my bed and we walked to the room where I would be anaesthetised. 

Part II

any questions? ask below!